My 5 Favorite Types of Facebook Friends

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These aren’t my actual favorite Facebook friends; I just needed another “F” to complete my awesomely alliterative appellation (not sure if I used that word correctly).

How many of these Facebook users can you identify?

1. The Older ALL-CAPS Friend

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This is an older person in their 40s and up, usually much older, who often types Facebook statuses in all caps. One will also notice abbreviated words and unusual punctuation, run-on sentences, and many ellipsis… Well… Like this… Now, the funny thing is that these people have probably had more formal education in grammar, writing letters, and writing than their younger counterparts. If you were sent a formal email from them, it would probably be much more legible than anything they post on Facebook or elsewhere, but why? Do they have a secret love for Billy Mays? Maybe they feel entitled to yell at all times, or maybe they just feel it’s easier to read that way. Social media is not formal by any means. There are some people who use only caps, and there are others who capitalize Every Word In A Sentence Like This. Some PEOPLE will also capitalize EVERY word, which is CLEARLY for emphasis. This Facebook friend comes in many varieties, but surely you have seen at least one example during your internet travels. My personal answer is that caps are larger and easier to read with less-than-perfect vision. Makes sense to me.

 

2. The Ever Infected Friend

Image: Hacker image

This Facebook friend has had a virus on their computer for months. They will randomly comment on your statuses talking about weight loss and linking to bogus websites. Good Samaritans or fed-up people post on their wall telling them to scan their computer for viruses and to change their Facebook password, but this person doesn’t really use Facebook very often, so it never really gets done. It’s just something you have to deal with.

 

3. The Meme Guy/Girl

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[Fry]Not sure if no keyboard or just likes communicating with memes[/Fry]. This friend rarely ever actually types anything into Facebook, but rather posts memes and communicates through reaction images and photo comments. There’s not a lot to say about this friend, sometimes it’s funny and clever, other times not so much. Depends on their skill level and personal collection of images. The good ones are amazing at what they do.

There is another version of this: instead of memes it is image macros (images with text on it), usually with some snarky comment or inspirational snippet.

 

4. The Sad Bro

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The sad bro posts statuses about how lonely he is at least once a night, asks people to “hmu”, and continues to do it even though these particular statuses rarely ever get likes or comments. If you can remember Elliot Rodger, the murderer kid who just wanted to get a girlfriend, the sad bro might be similar. The problem with this person is that he might even be fairly physically attractive. It’s his entitled personality that to women acts like Off spray does to mosquitoes.

 

5. The Politician

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I’m guilty of this one. Ask my mom, I like to “stir the pot”. As I always say, if the pot isn’t stirred, it’ll burn (not in a racist way, just … well in a burn-ey, sticky, smell bad kind of way). These people come in all shapes and sizes. There’s the pro-gun anti-gay Obama hating redneck who will post anything and everything, regardless of accuracy, to prove a point. Of course there’s the anti-gun, pro-gay, Obama loving whatever the opposite of redneck is (me) who will post things from the other side of the spectrum. I’m not saying either side is better than the other. I also am guilty of posting controversial questions on purpose in trying to start an intelligent debate, which I later found out Facebook is not the best place to do this. Of all the places on the internet, Facebook is the last place you want to go for debate. I’m addicted though, so I can’t stop.

 

Honorable mentions

 

  • The Every Post is a Selfie Friend
  • The Quiz Taker
  • The Salesman
  • The Insane Christian
  • The Insane Atheist
  • The Wannabe Model
  • The Good Samaritan
  • The Good Samaritan Who Does it Solely For the Likes
  • The Person Who Only Shares Images Older Than Five Years Old
  • The Constantly Inspired Friend
  • The Constantly Depressed Friend
  • The Drama Seeker (hates fake bitches)
  • The Government/Police Hater – AM I BEING DETAINED?
  • The Conspiracy Theorist
  • Only Goes Online to Promote Blog/Music (not sure if this is me or not)
  • The Passive Aggressive Poster (posts statuses about particular people without actually naming them… probably guilty myself – example: this post)
  • The Vague Status Poster (Example: Ugh, this is the worst day ever I can’t believe that happened oh my God!)
  • The Friend Who Thinks Everyone on the News Should Rot in Prison or be Dragged From a Truck
  • Constant Quotations Friend
  • Class Clown

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1 Comment

  1. Sheila says

    Ok what about the paranoid friend? I feel like you were calling me out IN LIKE FOUR OUT OF…..LIKE……Five of THESE……life sux…I WANNA DIE….UUGGGHHHHHHH!!!!

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