Note: The lyrics and videos to these songs may be downright offensive to some. Tread carefully.
A Pop Music experiment is about to begin.
My wife recently shared a video on Facebook — a song by Jennifer Lopez featuring Iggy Azalea called “Booty”. THIS article from Billboard states these two ladies are “celebrating the booty”, and I thought that was interesting. They did this mere weeks (or however long it has been) after Nicki Minaj’s new song “Anaconda” came out nonetheless. We all like to celebrate the booty every once in a while don’t we? After typing a sarcastic remark on her Facebook post about “J-Lo and Iggy” breaking new ground by creating a song about asses, I started thinking about the purpose of making a song like this.
Butt Why Though?
What is it about asses that is worthy of having over twenty “hit” songs about them? After looking at twenty different songs that I determined were at least partially about butts, looking at their lyrics, and about ten minutes of deep contemplation, I think I finally figured it out. It’s about entertainment. Pure, brain-cell snuffing entertainment. It’s the kind of song you might hear at the club, or on the radio every single time you get in the car, or from the overhead speaker in a department store.
Even though I’m exclusively speaking about Pop Music and club songs in this article, butt-songs are everywhere. Hell, KC and the Sunshine Band has a song about butts. My least favorite Queen song is even about butts.
Just because these songs are about butts doesn’t mean they’re bad songs though, right? Of course not. They’re just fun songs written purely for entertainment purposes. No harm done. The people who write them are real people who sit down in their study at night with their pad and paper and write these lyrics out just like any other artist might (unless they’re the songs written by a team of people in an office somewhere).
So here’s what I did. I found twenty songs that were about butts. Some of them are debatable, but at least they’re about sex if nothing else. Close enough. I listened to each one IN ITS ENTIRETY and picked out my favorite lyrics from each one. I’m setting out to prove that even pop music has merit. Here are the results (now with more .gifs!).
The 20 Songs and My Favorite Lyrics From Each One!
Note: These songs are not in any particular order, but I feel like I have to start with Sir Mix-A-Lot’s “Baby Got Back” or I’m not doing it right.
“She looks like one of those rap guys’ girlfriends…”
“To the beanpole dames in the magazines: You ain’t it, Miss Thing!”
“I got a job for you – the braided up pimp is back”
“Wobble wobble I’m infatuated”
“Hope this indecent proposal make you do somethin’ with me”
3. Nicki Minaj – “Anaconda” (see above picture)
“I let him hit it ’cause he slang Cocaine”
“I wanna see all the big fat ass [b-words] in the mother[f-word -ing] club, [f-word] you if you skinny [b-word -s]. What? Yeah!”
“Yeah. He love this fat ass. HAAHAHHAAHAHAEYYYAAHHAHHHAH”
“Haahhaaaaa CKKHHHHKKKKKK … brllllllrlllrlllrllll”
“I know you can’t stand it, [d-word] bandit
Done landed, see your drawers handed”
“See dat puddy-cat? Look at dat”
“Man I smashed it like an Idaho potato”
“Let’s do it in the butt, okay”
(Not enough lyrics of substance for more than one lyric pickin’ … sorry.)
“I mix your milk wit my cocoa puff”
“Slip it in her bubbly, we finna finna have a party”
“Look real close cause strobe lights lie”
“All stiggitty stiggity girls, getting on my good nerves
Looking like ice cream ready to be served”
“I put my fingerprints all over that rump”
11. Major Lazer – “Bubble Butt” *BEST VIDEO AWARD!!!*
“Drop it low put in the dirt
Take your top off turn into a bird”
“The booty so smooth, can’t believe is not butter”
“TINA got a big ole butt
I know I told you I’d be true
But TINA got a big ole butt
So I’m leavin’ you”
“I went to Red Lobster for shrimp and steak”
“Your booty like two planets”
“you got a bright future behind you”
Nope. “Hands on your knees, bounce that ass like a yoga ball”
This article is seriously wearing me out. Why do they make these songs? They don’t make any sense!
“I shake my jelly at every chance”
“Now let’s cut a rug while we scat some jazz”
“The way she twerk it, not fair
She got a booty, that’ll swallow a thong”
“I wanna take that big ‘ol booty shopping at the mall”
Stankin’ ass [b-words] that need to wash up… You need soap and water, soap and water.”
I never realized this song doesn’t have very many actual words in it.
20. Notorious B.I.G. – Big Booty Hoes Nevermind, this song is disgusting. I’m done.
How I feel after listening to all of these songs in a row.